Afraid to Commit? Find Out with South Jersey Matchmakers

What is emotional unavailability?  Let’s put it in simple words: you get ready for an evening out in Jersey and plan on going to the trendiest club.  But when you show up, you’re abruptly turned away by the doorman who tells you that you’re not properly dressed.  You know you’re dressed the part, you hear music in the background and people laughing, but the doorman just won’t budge.  You try bargaining with him but with no luck.

When it comes to love: as soon as you fix something that is wrong, you’ll immediately find something else.  This is an emotionally unavailable relationship.  Your host has no intention of letting you in the door.  Your host is suffering from emotional unavailability, the inability to commit to someone.  Whether it’s because of previous experiences or traumatic events, they can’t make themselves vulnerable right now.  Is this currently happening to you?  Maybe you are emotionally unavailable and aren’t willing to open yourself up to be in a relationship.

Today, our dating experts here at South Jersey Matchmakers are going to show you the most common types of emotional unavailability so you can move forward in your dating life.

1. You Act Like a Tough Girl

In today’s modern world, we’re sold by statements like, “You can have whatever you want,” “YOLO,” and “Just do it.”  While it’s great to do whatever you want in your life, adrenaline filled lifestyles can be very addictive in their own way and cause you to be emotionally unavailable.  If you’re are an action and thrill seeking woman who lives life on the edge, like a cop, firefighter, or athlete, it’s possible that you’re all action and no interaction.

You might even lead a lifestyle where you only do things that put you in harm’s way and make for emotion evoking stories for your friends.  You probably get praised for all the things you do and get massive reactions from friends and family.  The only risk you’re not willing to take is an emotional one, because vulnerability is not your best card.  As matchmakers, we know this is why your dating life is suffering.  So unless you’re willing to make yourself vulnerable, then you’re never going to find love.

2. You’re Too Romantic

Once the glamour of your new relationship has worn off, you’re ready for the next one because once the excitement is gone, well, it’s just too boring for you.  You are only in love with infatuation and all its excitement.  You dive in headfirst and find yourself back at square one—again and again.

You prefer the romantic gestures in the early stages of the relationship because you love the excitement of something new.  People who are addicted to the honeymoon stage are often afraid of taking the relationship to the next level.

3. You Are a Workaholic

You barely have time for yourself let alone to look for and go out on dates.  Because you are too addicted and passionate about your career, you don’t have time to devote to a partner.  Having a partner means you won’t be able to achieve your next goal, which is why you don’t like to make things serious in your dating life.

Your passion for gender equality in your workplace can be hindering your chances of finding love.  You swear to yourself that you don’t need a man to be complete.  And while you might be right, you need to make yourself vulnerable to a relationship because we know you don’t want to spend the rest of your life alone.  It’s okay to be a strong woman but still allow your partner to take care of you once in a while.

4. You’re Afraid of Confrontation

“Whatever you say, my dear.”  You lack assertiveness.  You might think avoiding conflicts is the way to go in a relationship.  You might have seen this firsthand when your parents fought when you were a child and want to avoid recreating the same scenes again.  But what is that costing you?  It’s costing you the ability to have a healthy relationship because ignoring your problems will not make them disappear.  Oh, no, it’s quite the opposite.

You are also conveying to your partner that you do not trust them, which will create a wedge between you.  Real communication is essential to having a solid relationship.  This takes courage, especially if you had a bad relationship in the past.  You need to be vulnerable with your partner if you want to have a healthy relationship that lasts.

5. You’re Always Dating

You can’t get enough of the high octane thrill of the chase.  But none of your relationships ever get past the first few dates.  You don’t get too emotionally attached to anyone and strategically move from one partner to the next.  You believe that long-term relationships are too boring or that they take too many efforts, which makes you avoid them like the plague.

If you only view relationships as a trap and are single more often than not, then you are definitely afraid of commitment.

6. You’re Looking for Perfection

Once you find a flaw in a potential partner, you’re immediately dissatisfied and move on.  This is not because you’re picky, but because you’re afraid of commitment.  When you can’t find perfection, you get anxious and find any excuse to put an end to the relationship.

Being picky is okay when it comes to dating, but if you’re being too picky with partners without giving them a real chance, then you’re going to find yourself single forever.  It’s time to acknowledge that everyone has flaws, and it’s time to figure out which ones you can accept in a partner and which ones are deal breakers for you.  This is something we help our clients do every day here at South Jersey Matchmakers, and we can help you, too.

The fear of commitment might seem genuine, but it’s just an excuse because you don’t want to change your ways.  We hope this article opens your eyes to the fact that you’re emotionally unavailable and that it helps you change your views on love and dating so you can finally find that special someone who enhances your life.

Dating and starting a relationship does require you to be vulnerable, and there are many reasons to be scared, but if you truly want to find love, then it’s something you need to do.

If you’re emotionally unavailable and need expert dating coaching and guidance and support along the way, contact our dating and relationship experts here at South Jersey Matchmakers so we can assist you and get you relationship-ready.  Fill out the quick and easy form at the top of this page to reserve your FREE (90 minute) matchmaking consultation here at South Jersey Matchmakers today.  Let us help you overcome your fear of commitment and introduce you to the one who makes you want to settle down for good!